I LOVE THE MIAMI DOLPHINS

Here it is. The king of bad spelling and football knowledge has once again written his Manifesto of the Dolphins. I have been doing this for four years now. It is long. It is hard. It is ready to go. Warning, analysis of players at the beginning will be longer than at the end. That what happens when you write this all at once.

QUARTERBACK – This position is the one of the many question marks of the team. There are so many question marks the team should change their names to the Miami Riddlers. Ha ha ha ha, I kid I kid.

AJ Feeley – This guy is an interesting guy. There are so many things I like about him and so many things I do not like. He has the arm. He has the ability to improve. He is a tough son of a junk. He also actually takes responsibility for his mistakes unlike Fiedler. I find him hard to judge because last year there was no direction on offense. No runningback to take any pressure off him. No hot routes till Bates took over. Shows how much I know, I thought all offenses had hot routes. Well I am hoping he proves to be a good enough quarterback. If he does Miami’s future looks much better. If he doesn’t, well that is really too bad. Hurts to lose a 2nd round pick on a guy that doesn’t work out. Well he will get his shot.

Gus Frerotte – You might not believe this but I have always been a fan of Frerotte since he was a Redskin. Something about a later pick beating out the top 10 pick just makes you like the guy. Plus he isn’t that bad of a quarterback. If he starts, he is the perfect quarterback to start a couple of years while a rookie is waiting in the wings. Even though he did give himself a concussion he is actually an intelligent quarterback. He has a good arm. If he starts Miami really isn’t in that bad of a situation. Just doesn’t solve the problem of a future quarterback. If he wins then next year Miami needs a young quarterback, either by trade (boooo) or by drafting (ehh). With the great left tackles coming out in next years draft I really hope Feeley works out.

Sage Rosenfels – also known as Sage Rosenpheld, Rosenfalts, Rosenwhatever, that Rosen guy, Whatinfels, or just plain Sage however you say it. Young quarterback, who just hasn’t panned out so far. Fan favorite due to the fact that he has a strong arm. Fans love strong arms. Not a bad 3rd string quarterback. Maybe something in his head will open up and he will awaken into the great quarterback that has only been mentioned in fables. Well he will probably make the team.

Brock Berlin – I known him as the Jay Fielder of the Hurricanes. The quarterback that all the fans hate and seemed to bring his team down. He does have physical tools. However he is a tool. I just said that. I don’t know. He is just an arm to throw to a bunch of receivers who will be cut. CUT.

3 Quarterbacks. Sounds about right.

RUNNINGBACK – This position is weird. Now that Ricky is back it could be very talented. However it could be very crappy. Sometimes draft picks don’t pan out. Sometimes Ricky doesn’t either. Lamar Gordon is better than what was there last year, but is he good enough? Well here we go.

Ronnie Brown – I admit, I first wanted Cedric Benson. Then this guy ran a 4.4 in the 40. I thought, wow, people are going to love him, he is the next jump up the charts due to being fast. Then I actually watched tape on this guy. What is not to like. Quick(enough), big, fast, strong, great hands, runs better routes than most receivers in this league, can block(unlike Alexander. ZING). He just seemed like the total package. If you are going to run an offense that is versatile this is the man you want to draft. Cedric is the one to draft if you want a running offense. So now I am excited to see what Brown can do for me. I know that was bad.

Ricky Williams – I don’t think I cussed more in front of family then when I heard that he retired. That ruined my day to say the least. Now he is coming back and I don’t know what is going to happen. Will he love football? Is he coming back just for the money? Will a year of doing yoga actually help him keep up his ability? If he comes back to be half of the runningback he was when he left Miami will have much better than what they had last year. A good runningback can do wonders for an offense. Ask Peyton Manning.

Travis Minor – He was supposed to be something last year. He was nothing. He got hurt. He came back and did nothing. Can’t break a tackle. Can’t find a hole. Can’t bounce it outside. He made me miss Ricky. However he is good at special teams. He is a good tackler on kickoff. Decent return man. So he might make it on the team in the back up special teams, decent 3rd down back capacity. I have him on the bubble. Well I only se 5 running/full backs kept so CUT.

Lamar Gordon – Decent runningback. I would put him with the Blaylocks, huh, can’t think of any other decent runningbacks. He is about as good as the not so great Blaylock who everyone loved running behind the chiefs amazing line. If Gordon was back there he could do that as well. He has ability. He has the speed. I think he is going to make the team. An excellent back up runningback to have who could start at the beginning of the season. Unfortunately he is a little injury prone. I never understood how that works. I understand having a bad knee, but I don’t know how that affects shoulders. Apparently it does.

Kay-Jay Harris – I liked him at West Virginia. However part of the problem was he was a 25 year old playing with a bunch of 21 and younger. I call this the Gino Torretta syndrome. You gain a lot of control and muscle between the age of 20 and 25. Still, he is big, he is strong and he is fast. He was a decently rated back in a very talented back class until his poor showing at one of those end of the year all star bowl type games. Probably didn’t do well in practice as I am sure that has as much to do with the actual game. Still he could be a wild card to make the team. Big enough to play fullback. Maybe try him at H-Back. If Miami goes to a two runningback system and totally discount the fullback I would have him making the team. I don’t think they are going to do that so I have him CUT. Probably brought back on practice squad.

Heath Evans – A man thought to be the back up runningback/fullback role in Seattle. Ended up doing nothing. They always talked about him playing a little runningback with a jumbo package with him and Mack Strong. Well that rarely happened. However he is the fullback that has the best chance of making the team in my opinion. A huge guy. A decent blocker. Maybe not. Maybe Sammy Morris has a better chance. They both will make the team if they use an H-Back/Fullback type role. If they use a 2 runningback/H-back I have only one of them making the team. However I think the first one will be mostly true so not cut.

Sammy Morris – A decent back up runningback. A good special teamer. Thank god he is going back to special teams/fullback. He is an average runningback. Below decent. Decent is above average. He is just better than training camp fodder that also ran for the Dolphins last year. Which made fans like him. He can actually find a whole and once in a blue moon bounce it outside and break a tackle. However he can’t do that a lot. Man did watching him make me miss Ricky Williams. No team was scared of Sammy Morris. It was apparent that teams didn’t even think about him when they were playing the dolphins. They just blitzed and knew that someone was going to tackle him before he could do anything.

Ben Moa – this one is easy. He is hurt. Hope he could turn his life around. Athletes that are hurt for a year rarely do. Did save a kids life. At least he did something positive with this life. I would say CUT but it doesn’t really matter.

Jamar Martin – I don’t see how he fits in the new offense. He seemed to me like a prototypical runningback. The offense I saw in Minnesota did not have one of those that I could think of. They brought tight ends in the backfield and used bigger runnignbacks. I didn’t see much catching ability. I just don’t see him making the team over Sammy Morris and Heath Evans. CUT.

5 runningbacks. 5 is a good number.

WIDE RECIEVER – See more questions marks. So much talent. So many question marks in this position.

Chris Chambers – I like Chris. He is a cool guy. He is freaking talented. He is freaking fast. He needs to be more consistent. Run some good routes dammit and catch the ball when it touches your damn hands. You being Chris. If he did that he would be one of the best in the league. He has so much talent. I am happy he is signed long term. I really like him. I am just waiting like everyone else for him to blow it up. Knock it out the box Chris, knock it out.

Marty Booker – The player that I never understood why some fans didn’t like him. To some he had a disappointing season. He had an ok season with not going to camp and not really knowing the offense and being pissed at the Bears and missing his daughter. Well I guess he did show some emotion. How dare a football player have feelings and actually love his family. This year he should be more comfortable in the situation. One thing I do like about Marty Booker is that he brings out the stupidity of some of the opposing fans. I mean how is calling him a possession receiver a knock on him? Last I checked possessions were very important in football. This isn’t Madden where you can throw it deep every other play. I love his route running. I like the fact that he catches the ball. I like Marty Booker. I have liked him for a while when he was up with the crap of the Bears.

David Boston – Here is one of the bigger question marks. One of the most talented players in the league. One of the bigger problems in the league. Shows how much talent he has when you look at all of the chances this guy gets. Minus first degree assault which is nothing serious, he hasn’t done anything too jerky. The testing positive for something illegal is something to be worried about. He is one test away from being a year. He is a health nut who loves supplements. There are so many that are banned in the NFL. The NFL needs NFL brand supplements. Well hopefully he will help create an unstoppable trio.

Darius Thompson – As the fourth receiver he is a prime candidate to be cut. If David Boston blows it training camp I have him making the team. He is big. He is a decent route runner. He needs to be consistent. Can help you get the first downs on third downs. Also seems like a cool guy as he has taken a pay cut due to the fact he didn’t feel he earned his contract. Hard not to respect someone like this. It almost pains me to say this, however CUT.

Bryan Gilmore – Fan favorite due to speed. If you have a lot of something, fans love you. Speed, strength, arm strength, quickness I guess. Whatever. This guy is good at special teams. Could of helped Miami beat the Seahawks if he put his arms out to catch the perfectly thrown ball to him. A decent receiver. Good special teams. Great candidate for a 4th receiver. Plus I think he could fit in the not Randy Moss roll of the Linehan offense. That number 16 guy who was really fast an in trouble for doing something stupid. I think Gilmore would be great just running down the field and for people to go, “TOUCHDOWN, NOT CHRIS CHAMBERS”.

Ronald Bellamy – Interesting guy here. Showed some flashes in preseason last year. If he was taller than 6 feet would of probably made the team. I still have him cut though. Will they keep more than 5 wide receivers. I don’t really think so. He might be beat out by the next man on my list so CUT.

Wes Welker – Fan favorite for good reasons. Not because of him being really something. It is because of his ability on the field. His punt return ability is good. His kick off return ability is good. Maybe his wide receiver ability will make it this season. I think he is going to need to show that. Supposedly Saban does not plan to keep players for special teams. I think he has to, but I am not a coach. What do I know? I think he will show some good route running that helped him become a leading receiver at Texas Tech. Plus I like the guy, how can you not? I have him making the team. I look forward to seeing him play. Maybe he will kick another field goal. One of the biggest bright spots from last years crappy season.

Maurice Mann – Man is this guy going to get CUT.

Josh Davis – This guy is prime practice squad material. He has good hands from what I have read. Generally the good handed non contact practice wide receiver makes the practice squad. Generally they do not make the team. CUT

Kendall Newsom – The guy who has a good chance of beating Wes out for his spot. He is a good enough return man. He seemed to start showing some good flashes last year during preseason. One of those good handed people who do well in the non contact practices who make the practice squad. Unlike Sam Simmons he improved and didn’t lose his cool after a big hit over the middle. Showed enough improvement to have a good chance of making the team. I do see either him or Welker makes the team. I chose Welker. I chose wisely. I know that because my face has yet to start melting. CUT.

5 wide receivers. See I told you that was a good number. 13 players down, 40 to go.

Tight Ends – Another question mark. Number one is Randy going to be suspended. Is he going to go to jail? Is he going to grow up and either DTB or work hard to fix the relationship. Will any of the other people turn out to be anything but crap?

Randy McMichael – One of the best players on the Dolphins. Awesome talent. Awesome player. Needs to be more consistent. Needs to stop getting in trouble with the law because of his relationship. Needs to stop drinking as that is not helping him. If someone offered you a million dollars to stop drinking, I know I would. It might turn out that Randy won’t. Needs to set some priorities in life. Drinking, fighting with wife or millions of dollars, not jail, long career in the NFL that could lead to some probowls and might actually be good enough for hall of fame. Has enough talent. Needs to get better of course and more consistent. Could be best in the league. Right now he isn’t.

Donald Lee – Had sort of a sophomore slump. Fumbled too much, too many penalties, too many boneheaded plays. Has some talent. Griese seemed to like throwing to him when he was quarterback. Surprised me with his ability to catch the ball. I think if he gets his head on straight he will thrive in the Linehan’s offense. Here’s hoping to screwing heads on straight. That is not dirty Mr/Mrs dirty mind.

Alex Holmes – I have him making the team. Why? Because Saban and Linehan have run offenses that uses a lot of tight ends. Since I heard of Alex Holmes and people seem to like him and he is freaking HUGE. I chose him instead of Rader. I never heard of Rader.

Jason Rader – Never heard of Rader. I have heard of CUT.

Joe Munson – I have been looking forward to getting to this guy. He is going to get Munsoned. Ha ha ha ha. Wooo. That felt good. This guy is tiny for a tight end. 245 pounds? More like a fullback. Probably brought in to be kind of an H-Back. Well he is 22, hopefully he got a good degree and doesn’t have to teach an Amish boy how to be a pro bowler. MUNSONED

Ed Perry – Almost forgot about him. Almost forgot he is a tight end. Makes the team. Great at what he does. Should be used on more hail maries. Is it hail maries or Hail Marys? The world will never know.

So that is 4 tight ends. Technically 3 tight ends and 1 long snapper. So that is 17 so far. Not bad.

OFFENSIVE LINE- last year the offensive line put the offensive in offensive. I guess that didn’t make much sense. They were about as bad as the previous year’s line. The only difference is this line has youth. The previous years was crappy and old.

Wade Smith – Center I guess. I don’t know about him. Seemed to lose it mentally last year. He just wasn’t ready to start. I think that crushed his confidence. Talented guy. Seems to fit the Center more than the left tackle position. He has quick feet. I will have to come back. You won’t notice me coming back as you are not seeing me write this.

Damion McIntosh – Hurt last year. I don’t know if that is going to make a difference. Basically he is the Gus Frerotte of the left tackle. Well actually he isn’t too old. He just isn’t that great. Great offensive tackles in next year’s draft. If he is the starter and Feeley pans out or none of the quarterbacks next year excite Saban, then I think one will be drafted. He will most likely make the team. He restructured I think. Hard to remember everything.

Vernon Carey – So talented. So not that smart. So talented. The perfect example of hindsight. Everyone loved him. Then he didn’t do that well. Then all of a sudden everyone who said that Spielman should be killed if he drafted defense said they thought that Spielman should of drafted a defensive player. Fans are funny. Hopefully he will turn out to be a good left tackle. Supposedly didn’t get the offense last year. I don’t know why that was such a big deal as most of the offensive line didn’t understand what they were supposed to do. Lets hope the Greatest Cat Burglar can work his magic. Sing a little Step by Step and teach this guy how to block.

Stocklar McDoogle – Huge. No bigger than that. I am talking about Juggernaughts for earings. This guy should be a huge upgrade in every sense of the word for right tackle. Signed a one year deal to prove his is not a bust. I think he will do fine. Well of course I do, I am a more the glass is half full type of guy if you haven’t noticed already.

John St. Clair – Odd man out in my opinion. Tall guy. Was the best offensive lineman on the team last year. That does not say much. Wow, this guy Is young and tall. I thought he was older and shorter. I guess I don’t know everything. I don’t know this either. It is more of a guess. CUT.

Tony Pape – Tall guy. Thought of as a third round pick last year, somehow fell to the 7th, somehow he will be CUT

Anthony Alabi – How many tackles does a team need? The Greatest Cat Burglar really liked this guy. He will probably make the team as one of those players that make the team but never suit up. Since the Greatest Cat Burglar picked this guy I think he makes the team. So many tackles.

Jeno James – A player I thought was going to be good, turned out to be better than average. Lets hope he can get back to good. See these are getting shorter. Just wait till I get to the defensive backs.

Rex Hadnot – I like his attitude. I like his ability to block. I like this guy. I like him a lot. I think he will have a long future in the NFL. Go Rex Hadnot.

Eric Wilson – Eric CUTson

Rodney Reed – Rodney Read this, CUT.

Damion Cook – More like Damion probably be a back up. He might start. I just like Hadnot so much. He helps this unit a lot.

Taylor Whitley – Man did Greg Jerman suck last year. Just to show you how much, Whitley was an improvement. Unfortunately Whitley sucked. He has the talent. Maybe. Seriously though, I don’t see him making the team. He is one of those bubble players. If they want 9 offensive linemen he makes the team maybe. If they want 8 they cut. I say 9 so he makes it.

Jason Thomas – I knew a Jason Thomas once. I bet everyone here has. Probably wondering what that guy is doing and maybe he is about to be cut by the Dolphins. Kind of old. Kind of depressing that 28 is kind of old. CUT.

Seth McKinney – It is kind of funny that the guy who will have the best chance to take his job is Wade Smith. He has the smarts and the ability. He just didn’t show it last year. Hopefully he will show it this year.

That is 9 offensive linemen. Lets how the Greatest Cat Burglar in the World will work his magic. Would you rather be a fish?

Defense oo oo Defense.

DEFENSIVE LINE – This is another big question mark. I heard from a LSU fan that Saban loves defensive ends. Also from what I have been told it looks like Miami is going to more of a one gap stunting type of scheme. Less reliance of the big defensive tackle taking up people. Well here is hoping that works. Seems like such a big change.

Larry Chester – Well here is the optimist in me. He will be recovered before the season and do well. I like him as a dude. He is a good run stuffing defensive tackle. Lets hope he can come back.

Keith Traylor – The other run stuffing defensive tackle on the team. Brought in because he will help on the 20% of the plays when Miami is in the 3-4. He has plenty of gas left in the tank. Well enough for one more season.

Dario Romero – Actually a good pass rushing defensive tackle. Will probably do well in a one gap system. I will have him making the team.

Reggie Rhodes – I will change his name to Reggie Cut. At least his name has alliteration.

Orrin Thompson – He is 6-5. Is will be 6-CUT.

Manuel Wright – This guy has talent. This guy will be the other player who probably suit up for one game but make the team. Hopefully he will turn into something good someday. That is what Miami is hoping for. That is what I am hoping for. They made the Wright decision. It wasn’t Automatic, they had to make a manueal one. That sucked. Sorry.

Josh Shaw – This guy is huge. This guy showed a little talent. This guy will probably be cut. CUT

Jeff Zgonina – Did you know you don’t pronounce his name phonetically? I learned that last year as he was called on a lot. I actually think he loses out his spot to Romero. CUT

Kevin Vickerson – Showed many reasons to get cut. He will fufill his cut destiny and get cut. CUT.

Jason Taylor – This guy rules. He had a good season. Did you know that there were 100 less passes last year? His sack per pass ratio was about the same as the year before. I am excited to see what he can do in the Saban defense.

Kevin Carter – The ageless wonder. He will be fine next year.

Vonnie Holliday – If CK is right he might change to a defensive tackle/nose guard type player. I think he is a fine addition. He has gone from being a focal point of the defense to just another guy. I think he could be a great just another guy.

David Bowens – If you go by his sack per pass ratio had a pretty good sack per pass ratio as a first year starter. Has a good motor. Good on special teams. I believe he will be an excellent back up for Jason Taylor. Has so much ability. He might cost too much. We will see.

Matt Roth – No player I was more excited from the draft than him. He has so many of the things that you like in a player. He is a baddass. He has a motor. I love his quick first step. It is so quick. He is going to be a good defensive end. Especially since he is going to be just another guy on the defense. The rotation with him in it will should help hurt some quarterbacks this coming year. Miami’s pass rush should be greatly improved.

John Denney – Lenny? No Denny. Cut. Hard to think of good stuff. CUT

Chris Solomona – It seems like you could do something funny with this name. I never heard of this name. Solocuta? I guess that is neat.

Vann Brown – Could be a wild card. I generally don’t pick wild cards. I pick CUT.

Ronald Flemons – Another wild card. Could make the team if Bowens is thought of as too expensive. Right now I will say very CUT.

Matt Walters – Talk about Cutlers. Well that was a nice try. At least his name is Matt.

LINEBACKER – This is an interesting position. Another position with so many question marks

Zach Thomas – Saban likes football players. Zach is a football player. He might cost too much money in the future. This is the present. Should be fine.

Junior Seau – He is old> I like him. Go Junior.

Donnie Spragan – He is supposed to be really smart and really big. He will probably make the team

Channing Crowder – So much talent. Maybe so bad knees. He is pretty smart. He should be a fine football player.

Eddie Moore – So fast. Very good at pass defense for a linebacker. Maybe too short, but probably not. Good size. Maybe to injury proned. Lets hope he is not.

Corey Jenkins – I like him. He will probably make the team. Good old Special teams.

Derrick Pope – I think he makes the team. He was good for a rookie. When Zach went out against the Seahawks he did so well that I ddin’t even notice. Shut down Alexander in that second half.

Brendon Ayanbadejo – Probably the player with the most misspelled name on the team. He is very fast. It will be him or Eddie Moore making the team. I pick Eddie Moore as Eddie can play linebacker. Brendon is just Ehh. Plus his name should be Brandon. CUT

Winston Taylor – Winsont Cutlor. I know I made that joke before. Whatever. CUT

DEFENSIVE BACK – See another mystery.

Sam Madison – He is good. Will he be good at Saban’s system? I think so.

Reggie Howard – Time for Howard to prove he is worth the contract.

Alphonso Roundtree – I think he makes the team. I think he finally doesn’t get hurt. What happened to Korey Banks.

Will Poole – Injured, how sad.

Mario Edwards – Miami is probably going to sign a cornerback who is cut from another team. That is my theory.

Travis Daniels – He knows the system. Probably looked better at the non contact training camp because of that. I hope the best for this former wide receiver.

Shirdonya Mitchell – Injured. Talented.

Travares Tillman – I should stop doing this. Talented player. Maybe he will actually live up to that talent.

Tony Bua – I love this guy. He is good at special teams. Maybe he will be good at strong safty.

Chris Akins – Good at special teams. Probably make the team.

Yeremiah Bell – I think he is going to be a good free safety if he can stop getting injured. Has the talent. So fast.

Tebucky Jones – Talented guy. Lets hope he lives up to that talent.

Abran Elam – Served his time. Now going to get cut.

Billy Parker – Who are you going to call? Cut busters. I know huge stretch

Deandre Eiland – At least he will go through life with a manly name. CUT

Jack Hunt – More like Jack CUT. So close to being a dirty word.

Atari Bigby – His parents must really loved video games. CUT

PUNTER

Matt Turk – I wish Miami had a better punter. He is good enough

KICKER

Olindo Mare – I hope he can come back to form. He is also good at kick offs.

LONG SNAPPER

William Delahoussaye – I think he gets cut. That is all.

THERE I AM done. I hope you enjoyed it. I would be surprised if you actually read it. Go PHINS!!!!