I want to drunk dial

Hey, I am wasted. I am wasted on absinthe. Too bad I don't have a bunch of toples women working my notices with scented lather while midgets are riding around on unicycle throwing heroin soaked grapes at me. Man this is hard to type. I have retyped what I have wrote at least 5 times now. Wow this is amazing. How about this for drunkenness. One thing that I have noticed is that my blog has totally changed. At first it was totally about world events and things that were sort of about my life. Then it totally changed to be nothing about my life. I have noticed that in the last few months I have become completely selfish about my life. Which I believe is a good thing. Since I got my job it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Now that I am making a decent amount of money I was able to try to find what makes me happy. Which is hard.

Happy

What makes a person happy? I do not know. I do know it is something that is different from person to person. So what makes me happy? Well I do know that being in decent shape makes me happy. So I decided to get a hold on that. Well that didn't make sense. Well if you look at my new years resolutions it basically states what I am looking for in my life. One thing that I have noticed is the fact that I want to get things done. Since I got the job part out of the way for a while there are two things that I wanted to concentrate on.

1. Getting in shape.
Getting in shape was very important to me. I am really sick of being as big as I am. I do realize that it is hard and a life changing ideal. I have worked out for the most part since August. I have been very proud of myself so far in that regard. I do realize that my diet has really really stunk. So in the last two weeks I have decided to pay closer attention to my diet and try to steer it in the right direction. I don't know really if I am making any head way. All I know is that I am doing better than I was before during the week. Weekends are a different story. The worst part is beer and alcohol. I love to get drunk, like tonight, however that is a lot of extra calories. It was at least 300 calories of vodka tonight if I drank vodka. I love to drink. Tomorrow is the Blue Moon and I don't know if I should drink that much beer. I am going to miss beer.

2. Women
Since the dawn of time man has tried to get a woman and now is no different for me. I can honestly say I have done a decent amount of work in this area. It is hard to think how far I am from what I want to be. The ability to attract a woman is hard. The ability to try to talk to a woman you are interested in is hard for me. It is really unfortunate. Thinking back to what I was like during high school and college even I have come along way. Still I am so very far.

Chakras

Learning about women and what to do did lead me to learning about Chakras. I do realize a lot of people think it is a piece of crap. For very good reason. It really does seem like a piece of crap. Still I do like meditation and I do think it does some benefit in my life. I don't know if the the chakras work like they tell me it does. However I do know that I do feel better when I meditate then when I don't. Listening to chakra balancing stuff that I listen to now does seem to focus my meditation better. I have done it for about three to four weeks now. I think this is week four or 5. Basically the meditation is based on the 7 chakras.

1. Root: red: Instinct, survival, security
2. Sacrum: orange: emotion, sexual energy, creativity
3. Solor Plexus: Yellow: Mental functioning, power, control, freedom to be oneself, career
4. Heart/Lung: Green (or pink): Devotion, Love, compassion, healing
5. Throat: Blue: speech, self-expression
6. Third eye: Indigo: Intuition, Extra-sensory perception
7. Crown: Violet: connection to the divine

Basically the thing I read said that I should work on the first four before working in the next three. So I have. The weird thing is that the first 3 have been decently easy. Takes once listening to the words and then the next time it is a breeze to mediate through. However the 4th one has been hard.

Heart Chakra
This has lead me to a decent discovery of my life. I do realize it, however since this had been extremely hard for me. I do mean hard. The rest it is just listening and visualizing and I feel better. However with the 4th chakra it is almost like I am fighting it and fighting it hard. The realization that I have had is the fact that for a vast majority of my life my heart has been closed. I realize that I am a very hard person to get close to and a even harder person to befriend. Which explains why I have not had very many girlfriends and why I have only a few friends. In fact other than Kerry, I have yet to have a close friend since high school. I met Kerry a year after high school and it took a lot of work on her part to become close to me. I now realize totally that it is something that I do not like. I realize that if I don't change this part of myself that I will never have a girlfriend unless she does most of the work. What girl wants to do most of the work? What girl wants to do any of the work? They want to think it just happened with me doing everything to make it so she could believe it just happened. At least that is what I have read. Still, I realize that I need to open my heart more even though that will lead to more pain. Life is tough. Still it is something that I want to accomplish

Wow that is a lot about me

I don't know why people read this. I don't know if people read this period. Basically if you have read my blog as of late you have learned a lot about me. Before you learned a lot about movies I have seen or things I have listened to. I don't know if people are interested in learning about me and what makes me tick and what I have been learning and listening to. I don't even know why I even do this blog. Part of me thinks that I do it so it is something that I can look back on. Since it is a blog it is so much less gay than a journal. Another part of me thinks that it is my attempt at a chance of immortality. If I die tomorrow my blog will still be up and some part of me will still live on. Why do I do this? What is the point? I still don't really know. I just know that I get really happy when people comment. I do realize that there is not reason to get so happy. However who doesn't get happy about things they realize that does not make sense.

NFL

I am beginning to worry. Right now the NFL has one week to get the CBA done or there will be a uncapped year. I do realize that Wayne is one of the richest people in the NFL, however I don't want there to be an uncapped year. Before I am a Dolphin fan I am a football fan. I love the sport of football and I just don't think a NFL without a Salary cap would work. Everyone being equal is what makes the NFL so exciting. They make so much more money now that any team can be good. They have to realize that. One week is all they really have. I really hope the big market NFL owners pull their heads out of their asses and realize that they will still make a lot of money as long as the NFL remains very competitive. I don't' think hey will receive such high ratings during the season if it goes to the MLB type of big money teams are the only teams that generally win. That will cause ratings to drop and other shared money to be lost. I hope to god that everything works out. I do realize that too much of my happiness rests on the NFL. I can't wait for the draft.

Random Thought of the Day

I wonder if some people do not believe that I am pretty messed up. This is a decent post. I am just really effed up right now. It is like a chilled drunk. 6 shots of 140 proof alcohol gets you pretty messed up.