Mock Draft From HELL!

Everyone is doing a mock draft so I thought someone who knows nothing about the draft yet enjoys watching the draft should write one. I have little knowledge of the college players so I believe that I will be able to make good 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters type choices. Ok here I go. No trades due to the fact that it is just to hard, even though there will be trades making this mock draft extra silly

1. Texas – This is a team that is like a 40 year old man who has 4 kids whose wife gained 160 pounds since they have been married for 20 years. They have needs. However unlike most 40 year old men this team has the pick of some hot chicks. I will say that this team, like the man, wants some quality and everyone knows that the prettier they are the worst they are in bed. Which is why this team doesn’t go with the Reggie Bush, however goes with the less sexy however more freaky Mario Williams. People say Reggie Bush is the next Gayle Sayers, however for Gayle Sayers to be Gayle Sayers now when all athletes are freaks, he would REALLY have to be Gayle Sayers.

2. Saints – This team also has many needs. The question for this team is that do they believe in Brees. The other question is do they want butts in the seats? If they want butts in the seats then Bush is the sexy pick. If they want to build a franchise and believe that Brees will actually earn his contract they pick D'Brickashaw Ferguson.

3. Titans – This team is doing the happy dance due to the fact that they get to pick the quarterback that they want. I think they will take Matt Lienhert. He looks like the best sure bet out of all three quarterbacks. Who doesn’t want a sure thing?

4. Jets – I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. They take A.J. Hawk, as the Jets are going have an amazing 3-4 linebacker crew. Who wouldn’t want AJ and Johnathan in the middle for a 3-4?

5. Packers – Nelson doing his, ha ha, impression inside of the packer’s draft room. What are they going to do? The players they actually want are gone. They decide to do the next best thing and pick Vernon Davis. Their tight ends aren’t that special, and this guy could be. They could use a good genetic freak.

6. 49ers – The 49ers are amazed. It turns out the person doing the mock draft completely forgot about Reggie Bush. How dumb is this guy? The 49ers jump up and down for joy that they can get such an amazing player at the 6 spot. Who would of thought?

7. Raiders – They are pissed due to the fact that the guy doing the mock draft actually remembered Reggie Bush for the 49ers. Davis would love that guy. However there is something else that Davis loves. Strong armed quarterbacks. Culter is there at 7, however he does have a strong armed quarterback on the roster and from what I have heard (which is little, which is a lot from Raiders camp) they like the guy. Davis wants to win now and who will help him win now? Well Davis likes speed and likes drafting safties in the first round. Mike Huff is the Raiders Pick.

8. Bills – I hate the bills, I hate the Bills I hate the Bills. They need tackle help. Doesn’t matter which side of the ball. I believe in CKParrotHead’s feelings on arms. So I think they will pick. Brodrick Buckley

9. Lions – Millen is an idiot. Vince Young

10. Cardinals – This team is going to suck for a long time. So they pick Jay Culter.

11. Rams – They need secondary help. They need a cornerback because now they don't really have one. Such a crappy defense. They pick Jimmy Williams.

12. Browns – Looking to pick the next future Bronco, they chose, Haloti Ngata

13. Ravens – I don’t know the Ravens much. So I look at their team needs and they need a full back. Well only an idiot would take a fullback at this point. I don’t even know why I mentioned that. They could use another cornerback. They like athletism. Wait, I feel there are wide receivers taken too early every year. They have Desmond Mason and Mark Clayton and some really crappy tall guy they hope can become a not crappy tall guy. Chad Jackson is not really tall, however he will be better. I always feel a receiver is taken too high so here it is.

14. Eagles – Looking to pick a wide receiver too high was hoping for Chad Jackson. Since they still want to reach for a wide receiver and missing the attitude of FredEx, the decide to pick someone with as much attitude, yet will be able to actually catch the ball. Santonio Holmes.

15. Broncos – Well they wanted a wide receiver. Ashlie is acting like a big baby. However they could use a great runningback. The not being that great at runningback looks to be annoying Mike some. He is still using many first round picks and the only good one he found so far has been Clinton Portis. I think DeAngelo Williams is the best runningback on the board so I think the Broncos are going to take him.

16. Dolphins – Well the Dolphins needs an outside linebacker. They could use a safety. They need a cornerback. I want them to take Manny Lawson. They never choose who I want. Miami picks the man that Saban recruited to play wide receiver. Just like T. Daniels and C. Webster if people remember that. A. Cromartie

17. Vikings – They need a runningback as much as I need to go on a sex boat. Why do athletes get to be the only ones who get to go on sex boats? Where is my sex boat time GOD! They like speed. They like power. They pick Joseph Addai. This isn’t the first draft where someone will yell out, “But everyone has ranked HIGHER!” It won’t be the last

18. Cowboys – My dad’s favorite team. I get to explain to my dad why Manny Lawson was such a great pick and how jealous I am that he isn’t on my team. I am sad now.

19. Chargers – This is boring. Chad Greenway

20. Chiefs – They need a wide receiver. They finally reach for one. Demetrius Williams.

21. Patriots – I hate the Patriots, I hate the Patriots. I hate the Patriots. Jonathan Joseph

22. San Francisco – This is getting more and more hard to think of funny witty things to say as I go down the draft. They 49ers suck. They pick Kamerion Wimbley. They need athletes.

23. Buccanners – They pick a cornerback. Lets pick out of the hat. Richard Marshall it is.

24. Bengals – What I am not done yet? Back in the corner hat. Donte Whitner.

25. Giants – They need a linebacker. Ernie Sims is a linebacker who I had the Dolphins draft in a dream of mine. He should be good enough to be a Giant then.

26. Bears – Here is a team with offensive needs. They pick Winston Justice. However they are going to play him at guard. Why not? I don’t know what I am doing.

27. Panthers – Why did they ever expand the league to 27 teams I will never know. They lost Stephan Davis. They now have Lendale White.

28. Jaguars – They are sick of Fred Taylor’s injuries. They now have Maroney.

29. Jets – I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. Bob Carpenter.

30. Colts – Wow all the good runningbacks are taken. What are they going to do? I have no idea. Lets look at the big board. Ooo cornerback. Someone gets to pick out of the hat. Tye Hill.

31. Seahawks – everyone thinks this team needs a new guard. I think they are mad at Stevens. He sucks. He is a drunk and he drops passes in the superbowl. They pick L. Pope. Now pray.

32. Steelers – I want to be done and now I am. DeMarco Ryans.