Mock Draft From HELL!

Everyone is doing a mock draft so I thought someone who knows nothing about the draft yet enjoys watching the draft should write one. I have little knowledge of the college players so I believe that I will be able to make good 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters type choices. Ok here I go. No trades due to the fact that it is just to hard, even though there will be trades making this mock draft extra silly

1. Texas – This is a team that is like a 40 year old man who has 4 kids whose wife gained 160 pounds since they have been married for 20 years. They have needs. However unlike most 40 year old men this team has the pick of some hot chicks. I will say that this team, like the man, wants some quality and everyone knows that the prettier they are the worst they are in bed. Which is why this team doesn’t go with the Reggie Bush, however goes with the less sexy however more freaky Mario Williams. People say Reggie Bush is the next Gayle Sayers, however for Gayle Sayers to be Gayle Sayers now when all athletes are freaks, he would REALLY have to be Gayle Sayers.

2. Saints – This team also has many needs. The question for this team is that do they believe in Brees. The other question is do they want butts in the seats? If they want butts in the seats then Bush is the sexy pick. If they want to build a franchise and believe that Brees will actually earn his contract they pick D'Brickashaw Ferguson.

3. Titans – This team is doing the happy dance due to the fact that they get to pick the quarterback that they want. I think they will take Matt Lienhert. He looks like the best sure bet out of all three quarterbacks. Who doesn’t want a sure thing?

4. Jets – I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. They take A.J. Hawk, as the Jets are going have an amazing 3-4 linebacker crew. Who wouldn’t want AJ and Johnathan in the middle for a 3-4?

5. Packers – Nelson doing his, ha ha, impression inside of the packer’s draft room. What are they going to do? The players they actually want are gone. They decide to do the next best thing and pick Vernon Davis. Their tight ends aren’t that special, and this guy could be. They could use a good genetic freak.

6. 49ers – The 49ers are amazed. It turns out the person doing the mock draft completely forgot about Reggie Bush. How dumb is this guy? The 49ers jump up and down for joy that they can get such an amazing player at the 6 spot. Who would of thought?

7. Raiders – They are pissed due to the fact that the guy doing the mock draft actually remembered Reggie Bush for the 49ers. Davis would love that guy. However there is something else that Davis loves. Strong armed quarterbacks. Culter is there at 7, however he does have a strong armed quarterback on the roster and from what I have heard (which is little, which is a lot from Raiders camp) they like the guy. Davis wants to win now and who will help him win now? Well Davis likes speed and likes drafting safties in the first round. Mike Huff is the Raiders Pick.

8. Bills – I hate the bills, I hate the Bills I hate the Bills. They need tackle help. Doesn’t matter which side of the ball. I believe in CKParrotHead’s feelings on arms. So I think they will pick. Brodrick Buckley

9. Lions – Millen is an idiot. Vince Young

10. Cardinals – This team is going to suck for a long time. So they pick Jay Culter.

11. Rams – They need secondary help. They need a cornerback because now they don't really have one. Such a crappy defense. They pick Jimmy Williams.

12. Browns – Looking to pick the next future Bronco, they chose, Haloti Ngata

13. Ravens – I don’t know the Ravens much. So I look at their team needs and they need a full back. Well only an idiot would take a fullback at this point. I don’t even know why I mentioned that. They could use another cornerback. They like athletism. Wait, I feel there are wide receivers taken too early every year. They have Desmond Mason and Mark Clayton and some really crappy tall guy they hope can become a not crappy tall guy. Chad Jackson is not really tall, however he will be better. I always feel a receiver is taken too high so here it is.

14. Eagles – Looking to pick a wide receiver too high was hoping for Chad Jackson. Since they still want to reach for a wide receiver and missing the attitude of FredEx, the decide to pick someone with as much attitude, yet will be able to actually catch the ball. Santonio Holmes.

15. Broncos – Well they wanted a wide receiver. Ashlie is acting like a big baby. However they could use a great runningback. The not being that great at runningback looks to be annoying Mike some. He is still using many first round picks and the only good one he found so far has been Clinton Portis. I think DeAngelo Williams is the best runningback on the board so I think the Broncos are going to take him.

16. Dolphins – Well the Dolphins needs an outside linebacker. They could use a safety. They need a cornerback. I want them to take Manny Lawson. They never choose who I want. Miami picks the man that Saban recruited to play wide receiver. Just like T. Daniels and C. Webster if people remember that. A. Cromartie

17. Vikings – They need a runningback as much as I need to go on a sex boat. Why do athletes get to be the only ones who get to go on sex boats? Where is my sex boat time GOD! They like speed. They like power. They pick Joseph Addai. This isn’t the first draft where someone will yell out, “But everyone has ranked HIGHER!” It won’t be the last

18. Cowboys – My dad’s favorite team. I get to explain to my dad why Manny Lawson was such a great pick and how jealous I am that he isn’t on my team. I am sad now.

19. Chargers – This is boring. Chad Greenway

20. Chiefs – They need a wide receiver. They finally reach for one. Demetrius Williams.

21. Patriots – I hate the Patriots, I hate the Patriots. I hate the Patriots. Jonathan Joseph

22. San Francisco – This is getting more and more hard to think of funny witty things to say as I go down the draft. They 49ers suck. They pick Kamerion Wimbley. They need athletes.

23. Buccanners – They pick a cornerback. Lets pick out of the hat. Richard Marshall it is.

24. Bengals – What I am not done yet? Back in the corner hat. Donte Whitner.

25. Giants – They need a linebacker. Ernie Sims is a linebacker who I had the Dolphins draft in a dream of mine. He should be good enough to be a Giant then.

26. Bears – Here is a team with offensive needs. They pick Winston Justice. However they are going to play him at guard. Why not? I don’t know what I am doing.

27. Panthers – Why did they ever expand the league to 27 teams I will never know. They lost Stephan Davis. They now have Lendale White.

28. Jaguars – They are sick of Fred Taylor’s injuries. They now have Maroney.

29. Jets – I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. I hate the Jets. Bob Carpenter.

30. Colts – Wow all the good runningbacks are taken. What are they going to do? I have no idea. Lets look at the big board. Ooo cornerback. Someone gets to pick out of the hat. Tye Hill.

31. Seahawks – everyone thinks this team needs a new guard. I think they are mad at Stevens. He sucks. He is a drunk and he drops passes in the superbowl. They pick L. Pope. Now pray.

32. Steelers – I want to be done and now I am. DeMarco Ryans.

Happy Thursday, bloody thursday

There is a reference that no one will get. Well today is the day that I have called happy thursday. The 2nd thursday of the month where I write down 20 things that make me happy. They can be big, they can be small, the only rule is, they have to make me happy. Before I start on that I have some other things to say.

Luggage

Well I bought some kick ass luggage off ebags.com. And I got it for about 125 bucks due to a sale and a price match. Well basically a price match. Look at it, isn't that the coolest luggage you ever seen? If you don't then you don't have eyes. Jerk. Well I learned something, even as cool looking as that luggage is, luggage is boring. You know how you are happy when you get a package. It is just a joy that, "Aww the thing I ordered arrived". The only thing better is getting a package that you didn't expect and it was filled with cool stuff. Thank you package gods for the beauty of packages. Well I open my package and see the awesome luggage. Then I realized, well that is it. Until I pack for Vegas, that is about as much fun as I can have with luggage. I guess I could just pack, but who in the hell wants to pack for fun? Packing sucks ass. Even though I can't wait to go to Vegas and see my lovely sister, I don't want to pack. I hate packing. What a double edged sword.

Speaking of Luggage
I work with this one lady who is from a different country. In the testing we do, we need to have seperate users. Sometimes they need passwords. Well she uses passwords all the time. This is not something to be protected so it doesn't matter if I say her password. Which is 123456. Everytime I see that password all I want to say is, "1, 2, 3, 4 ,5 6! That is a combination an idiot would have on their luggage." Well I have to bite my tongue, because I don't want to explain why that is funny and why I didn't call her an idiot. Just seems like more of a hassle that could get me talked to or fired. It is weird talking to a person from another country. She keeps on asking me grammar questions. You read my blog, I suck at grammer. I might be better than her, however that is only because english is her second language. She used the word "noun" today. If you don't have children or teaching children, when is the last time you used the word "noun" or "verb"? I can't spell. I can't type.

20 things that make me happy
alright wasted enough of your time, here we go.

1. I don't associate with draining people in my life. I am happy to say that I don't consider any of my friends draining. They are all good people. Sometimes they are annoying or talk about Mike a lot. What is it about that guy that just gets all the ladies to fall in love with him? Yet I still like having them around.

2. Cell phones. My cell phone kicks ass. I love flip top cell phones. I have yet to call 2342342 once since I got my flip top cell phone

3. While I am on cell phones, that I no longer get calls for prostitutes on my cell phone. That was hella annoying. Getting calls at 3am of guys looking to pay for sex. Not that I think there is anything wrong with paying for sex. Guy who needs a blow job + girl who happens to need $20 = perfect couple. Just don't call my phone.

4. Boobs. Boobs always make me happy. Next time you see me ladies. Show me your boobs. Mmmmm boobs.

5. NFL Draft. I cannot wait until the NFL draft. It is so freaking exciting. I am so going to watch the entire first day. It is going to rock like a party that just won't stop. Wooo freaking hooo. I hope the Dolphins draft Manny Lawson.

6. Sandwich bags. Isn't life easier with sandwich bags? I mean where would you put your sandwich?

7. Meat. I love meat. It is so freaking good. How can you be a vegitarian and just not want to kill yourself? Why do vegitarians always look so unhealthy and smell bad? MMMMm meat.

8. Small PS2. It is so small. It is so freaking cool

9. Big TVs. I LOVE Big TVs. I love BIG tvs. Big TVS kick ass.

10. Computers. Life would suck without computers. I can't think of how much life would suck without computers. Some people lived their lives without computers. Their life sucked.

11. My muscles. I like having muscles. I like being able to carry tv downstairs after a brisk step work out. Sometimes I like to flex just to feel my muscles. Sometimes I like to feel my muscles. Do you want to feel my muscles? Just ask. Ladies only.

12. Being in better shape. I may not be losing weight, but I am in better shape. Heck I just did Crystal's class with risers (She is the replacement. She is so hot). How tired I was reminded me when I first started. I almost felt the same way. I couldn't of done it 3 months ago.

13. God of War. I do need to play that game more, but it is freaking fun. So is Kingdom Hearts II. I will this here as well since it is a playstation game.

14. Orgasms. I know that might be tmi, but you like them too.

15. Spider-Girl. Even though it is almost over. Kind of sad. Going to stop buying comics after it is cancelled. However it really did make me happy.

16. Digital Cameras. I need to take more pictures. However I love me some digital cameras. Where are the pictures of me Beth! or should I say Elizabeth! No I shouldn't. Just doesn't fit.

17. Fans. I don't know if mentioned this before, but on a hot summer day. Mmm mmm, I love a fan. It feels so good on my face when my body is warm.

18. Water. Can't live without it. It tastes so good when you are thirsty. Plus it is just totally healthy in the sense it isn't empty calories.

19. Fried Chicken. Mmm mmm, i love me some fried chicken. Next time I drive down to see my dad I am going to have to stop by popeyes and getting me some friend chicken. It has been so long.

20. Let's Get Married and Ignition. The remix versions of both of those songs are at least in the top 3 of best remixes of all time. They are so much better than the original version. Awesome songs.

Random Thought of the Day

Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We aint getting no younger, we might as well do it
Been feeling you all the while, girl, I must confess
Girl, lets just get married
I just wanna get married
Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We aint getting no younger, we might as well do it
Been feeling you all the while, girl, I must confess
Lets get married

Because I am totally in love with Lisa

Well not really in love. More like she is cool and fun to hang out with. She requested a blog and here it is. I am doing my monthly happy blog on thursday so you get two this week.

New Cell Phones Rock
I got a new Cell phone. It rocks.

Family is Neat

I saw my cousin who I haven't seen in like 4 years. It is so weird seeing someone you grew up with all grown up and stuff. She seems like a good mother. I am really proud of her. She seems happy. Her kids seem to like me. Of course nearly all kids seem to like me. It is something I just tell people, you have a kid, s/he will like me. Meet the kid, they like me. Sheesh (that one is for Kerry)

Losing Weight

It sucks. Basically it is a long road that has many turns and a lot of times you get stuck in a roundabout wondering why in the hell did they ever come up with a roundabout. They are so stupid. Well today after my step class some lady actually asked me if I was trying to lose weight because she noticed that I haven't, even though I am so good at step. Isn't that a nice question? Well it didn't piss me off due to the fact that it was true. I was doing well on my diet for a month and then bad for a month. Well I am starting again today. Well yesterday. It is a long road. It is best to look at what you are doing then what you could of done or what you haven't done. Which is one reason i have happy thursday.

Job Ending
I have about 30 working days left. I really need to get one that.

Money

I spend too much

Teachers

There is a new show after the greatest show on tv right now, Scrubs, called Teachers. It is actually a decently funny show. One of the main problems is the fact that the lead guy is a HORRIBLE actor and a bad comedian. His timing is just bad. Unless the joke is REALLY funny, then it will fall flat. Luckily Bud is on the show. One of the fun things about being my age is the fact that most of the people my age knows what I mean when I say bud. Especially if I really pronouce the U in a southern accent. There is also one guy on the show who is just freaking funny.

X-Men 3

This comes out next month. Holy crap.

V for Vendetta

This movie rocked. It was so good.

Boobs

I like boobs.

Random Thought of the Day

"Isn't it strange, when you're single, all you see is couples, but when you're part of a couple, all you see are hookers?"

-Jim Gaffigan

Public Service Announcement.

New Episodes of Aqua Teen coming in September. Other news printed here for the Adult Swim lovers.