I want to drunk dial

Hey, I am wasted. I am wasted on absinthe. Too bad I don't have a bunch of toples women working my notices with scented lather while midgets are riding around on unicycle throwing heroin soaked grapes at me. Man this is hard to type. I have retyped what I have wrote at least 5 times now. Wow this is amazing. How about this for drunkenness. One thing that I have noticed is that my blog has totally changed. At first it was totally about world events and things that were sort of about my life. Then it totally changed to be nothing about my life. I have noticed that in the last few months I have become completely selfish about my life. Which I believe is a good thing. Since I got my job it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Now that I am making a decent amount of money I was able to try to find what makes me happy. Which is hard.

Happy

What makes a person happy? I do not know. I do know it is something that is different from person to person. So what makes me happy? Well I do know that being in decent shape makes me happy. So I decided to get a hold on that. Well that didn't make sense. Well if you look at my new years resolutions it basically states what I am looking for in my life. One thing that I have noticed is the fact that I want to get things done. Since I got the job part out of the way for a while there are two things that I wanted to concentrate on.

1. Getting in shape.
Getting in shape was very important to me. I am really sick of being as big as I am. I do realize that it is hard and a life changing ideal. I have worked out for the most part since August. I have been very proud of myself so far in that regard. I do realize that my diet has really really stunk. So in the last two weeks I have decided to pay closer attention to my diet and try to steer it in the right direction. I don't know really if I am making any head way. All I know is that I am doing better than I was before during the week. Weekends are a different story. The worst part is beer and alcohol. I love to get drunk, like tonight, however that is a lot of extra calories. It was at least 300 calories of vodka tonight if I drank vodka. I love to drink. Tomorrow is the Blue Moon and I don't know if I should drink that much beer. I am going to miss beer.

2. Women
Since the dawn of time man has tried to get a woman and now is no different for me. I can honestly say I have done a decent amount of work in this area. It is hard to think how far I am from what I want to be. The ability to attract a woman is hard. The ability to try to talk to a woman you are interested in is hard for me. It is really unfortunate. Thinking back to what I was like during high school and college even I have come along way. Still I am so very far.

Chakras

Learning about women and what to do did lead me to learning about Chakras. I do realize a lot of people think it is a piece of crap. For very good reason. It really does seem like a piece of crap. Still I do like meditation and I do think it does some benefit in my life. I don't know if the the chakras work like they tell me it does. However I do know that I do feel better when I meditate then when I don't. Listening to chakra balancing stuff that I listen to now does seem to focus my meditation better. I have done it for about three to four weeks now. I think this is week four or 5. Basically the meditation is based on the 7 chakras.

1. Root: red: Instinct, survival, security
2. Sacrum: orange: emotion, sexual energy, creativity
3. Solor Plexus: Yellow: Mental functioning, power, control, freedom to be oneself, career
4. Heart/Lung: Green (or pink): Devotion, Love, compassion, healing
5. Throat: Blue: speech, self-expression
6. Third eye: Indigo: Intuition, Extra-sensory perception
7. Crown: Violet: connection to the divine

Basically the thing I read said that I should work on the first four before working in the next three. So I have. The weird thing is that the first 3 have been decently easy. Takes once listening to the words and then the next time it is a breeze to mediate through. However the 4th one has been hard.

Heart Chakra
This has lead me to a decent discovery of my life. I do realize it, however since this had been extremely hard for me. I do mean hard. The rest it is just listening and visualizing and I feel better. However with the 4th chakra it is almost like I am fighting it and fighting it hard. The realization that I have had is the fact that for a vast majority of my life my heart has been closed. I realize that I am a very hard person to get close to and a even harder person to befriend. Which explains why I have not had very many girlfriends and why I have only a few friends. In fact other than Kerry, I have yet to have a close friend since high school. I met Kerry a year after high school and it took a lot of work on her part to become close to me. I now realize totally that it is something that I do not like. I realize that if I don't change this part of myself that I will never have a girlfriend unless she does most of the work. What girl wants to do most of the work? What girl wants to do any of the work? They want to think it just happened with me doing everything to make it so she could believe it just happened. At least that is what I have read. Still, I realize that I need to open my heart more even though that will lead to more pain. Life is tough. Still it is something that I want to accomplish

Wow that is a lot about me

I don't know why people read this. I don't know if people read this period. Basically if you have read my blog as of late you have learned a lot about me. Before you learned a lot about movies I have seen or things I have listened to. I don't know if people are interested in learning about me and what makes me tick and what I have been learning and listening to. I don't even know why I even do this blog. Part of me thinks that I do it so it is something that I can look back on. Since it is a blog it is so much less gay than a journal. Another part of me thinks that it is my attempt at a chance of immortality. If I die tomorrow my blog will still be up and some part of me will still live on. Why do I do this? What is the point? I still don't really know. I just know that I get really happy when people comment. I do realize that there is not reason to get so happy. However who doesn't get happy about things they realize that does not make sense.

NFL

I am beginning to worry. Right now the NFL has one week to get the CBA done or there will be a uncapped year. I do realize that Wayne is one of the richest people in the NFL, however I don't want there to be an uncapped year. Before I am a Dolphin fan I am a football fan. I love the sport of football and I just don't think a NFL without a Salary cap would work. Everyone being equal is what makes the NFL so exciting. They make so much more money now that any team can be good. They have to realize that. One week is all they really have. I really hope the big market NFL owners pull their heads out of their asses and realize that they will still make a lot of money as long as the NFL remains very competitive. I don't' think hey will receive such high ratings during the season if it goes to the MLB type of big money teams are the only teams that generally win. That will cause ratings to drop and other shared money to be lost. I hope to god that everything works out. I do realize that too much of my happiness rests on the NFL. I can't wait for the draft.

Random Thought of the Day

I wonder if some people do not believe that I am pretty messed up. This is a decent post. I am just really effed up right now. It is like a chilled drunk. 6 shots of 140 proof alcohol gets you pretty messed up.

Wow Post number 94

Well it was that time again. I went to 8minutedating.com's 8 minute date. Interesting time. I can honestly say that I enjoyed myself more last time. Last time there were 6 out of 8 people that I wouldn't mind seeing again. This time there were 5. Last time there was one that I really wanted to see again. This time there is one I would like to as she was a fun person to talk to. Chances are unless people don't like heavier women she will be pretty popular. Well here it goes

8 Minute Dating Report

Well next time I go I am going to do some mingling. Good place to work on my mingling. I am a horrible mingler. Basically I don't. So here is the first woman

Rebecca - This girl was a cutie. She was shorter with brown hair. Good smile and a good laugh. She is someone you would imagine a computer software person marrying. Cute not to hot but not ugly at all. She was also really fun to talk to. I can't remember the conversation however a lot of it was jibberish. Jibberish is really fun to talk about. Almost beboping along. She was one of the person I put down as a meet again. She would be fun to get to know.

Susan - I don't remember her too much. She was a little older. Nice girl. All I wrote was older nice. I remember making a mass murderer joke with her. She seemed hard to talk to. Not to open.

Carrie - This girl was interesting. I doubt I will make a connection with her. I put her as one because I wouldn't mind. She was a nice girl and was fun to talk to. We talked about her kitchen and how she should paint it. I told her to go McDonalds. I asked her if she was a professional, she told me no, she was a manager. Which in my mind is a professional, maybe she thought I meant whore. The thing was she was very nervous. I could totally tell by the way she was figiting. I think I actually got her to calm down. That should equal a friendship match at the very least.

Angie Michelle Hard girl to read. I think Mike would love her. She is artsy. She is the marketing department at her law firm. I couldn't read her. She was fun to talk to and seemed nice. I don't know if we connected. She doesn't have a middle name. Isn't that weird? I put her down as someone I wouldn't mind meeting again as well. Why not?

Bonnie Very fun girl. I would love to see her again. She is the type of girl who you would just have fun with. Kind of wondered why she was there because she would be the type of person to make friends with the room. Probably did most of the room. I of course liked her because she has the personality I like. She is a little thicker, but I do enjoy that. Cute blonde girl. Probably closest to my age

Gillion Seemed bored by the time I got there. Not the best conversation. Going to Mexico. Fun.

Kate409 She is one of the two Kates. She is thinner than I like. She does do acupuncture. Had an interesting conversation. Someone I would like to get to know for free needle work ;). She also seemed nice. I liked the short name.

Kate412 You can tell a girl is not attracted to you when she talks of her night there and how she enjoyed the experience. Well I wasn't really attracted to her so I didn't steer the conversation into anywhere fun. Basically one of the most boring conversations. I would say the second boring after the girl going to Mexico.

Other News

Well in other news I have lost about 2% body fat since October. Put two inches on my chest and my arms. Yahoo me.

Random Thought of the Day
See you in the funny papers? What does that mean? Stupid saying.

Different Status

I don't know what I meant today. I was going to write a bunch of things about things. Most of it kind of depressing and a little creepy. Then I thought my blog hasn't been fun to read lately. Mostly me rambling like the mad man I am. I am crazy. Crazy like a fox. So I have decieded to make every second Thursday of the Month "What I am happy about" day. It will be a post about the things I am happy about. Basically says what it means in the title. This is going to be a 100% positive post.

What I am Happy ABOUT!@!

1. I am happy that I can wear XXL shirts. There was a time that I couldn't

2. I am happy that I have haven't lifted this much since high school. I can start to see muscles. Especially in my chest.

3. I am happy that no one I care about has died lately.

4. I am happy that I have some really close friends. I know I am not the easiest person to get close to. However I feel lucky and blessed to have such cool friends.

5. I am happy I found Xocai. That is some good chocolate. Studies show it is good for me.

6. I am happy football exists. I can't think of life without it.

7. I am happy that the Dolphins seem to be moving in the right direction

8. I am happy that I bought a big boob calender and february has some big boobs.

9. I am happy I am single. I couldn't imagine the stress of Valentines day. Unless I had a really cool chick that didn't judge how much I loved her by what I do for her that day. So much pressure.

10. I am happy that the Superbowl party was fun and appreciated. Even though I probably take too much credit. ALl I do is spend money on food and fry some stuff. Still it is a good time that I dread every year. So expensive, so much work. Still happy that people like it.

11. I am happy that my dad came. I always worry about colliding worlds. Sometimes I forget how awesome my dad is.

12. I am happy I have curly hair. So I like my hair shoot me.

13. I am happy that there are pretty girls to look at when I work out. A little motivation goes a long way

14. I am happy that I can get through most of my step class and that I can follow for the most part. Pretty good for a 300 pounder.

15. I am happy that fried chicken exists. I love me some fried chicken.

16. I am happy that I have less than 500 dollars left to pay on my credit cards. There was a time when I couldn't imagine not being in credit card debt. So freeing to be in other debts ;)

17. I am happy for high speed internet. Life sucks without it.

18. I am happy for my flickr account. That is www.flickr.com\bdupree if you want to see the Superbowl pictures.

19. I am happy that I am caught up on One Piece. What an amazing anime. 256 episodes and still fun to watch.

20. I am happy that I don't hate my job. I like the people I work with. It seems to be a good job. It is a great experience and giving me good experience.

Well there you go. I will try to do 20 a month. I think it is a good idea to write down things you are happy about. I feel happier already. I suggest every adopts "Second Thursday of the Month What I Am Happy About Day" or STOM WIAMHAD.

Random Thought of the Day

I had 35 minutes to finish this blog. I did it in 5. Take that scheduled outage!!

Today is a weird day

Yesterday I was sick. Today I feel a little better. Took yesterday off which was the first sick day I have EVER took since I got into the work force. Well maybe not. I don't remember taking many. Basically my throat was in pain. So I slept an extra 6 hourse.

Life is weird

Life is weird. Here I was about to complain about my lack of self control and the fact that even though I knew it would make me break even or even exceed my daily caloric intake I still ate a piece of cake and that I was 27 and going to die in at least 40 years from now however in reality I have 27 good years left and that is only if I keep myself healthy learn that someone I didn't like died today.

Isn't that weird. Ever have someone you just didn't like die? Well anyone who knows me knows that I chat online. I met this one girl about 3 years ago and basically learned that she was one of the most insecure person I have ever met. Talking to her was painful at times. So basically I stopped. Then I befriended her best friend and all hell broke lose. Well not hell per say just a lot of annoying things going down.

Well to make a long story short I basically stop talking to both of them. See her once afterwards which was kind of awkward since I didn't want to talk to her since she annoyed the hell out of me.

Now I don't have to worry about that because she had a blood clot from her leg go into her brain and now she is dead.

I feel weird. I feel sorry for her parents and the people who loved her. When you first hear about it I felt a little guilty for not liking her. Then I remembered the reason and I don't feel guilty anymore. I do hope she is in heaven and finds what she missed down here that made her so miserable in life.

What it does do however is make me think of my stupid mortality. I hate being mortal. It is annoying as hell. I hate having to fight my body to try to make it healthy. Stupid body wanting me to remain fat due to years of evolution. Stupid worrying about my heart and all of the other things that can kill me RIGHT NOW. My dream is probably going to suck tonight.

Super Bowl

That was a crappy Superbowl. NFL needs to something about its officiating other than telling me that it is ok. Too many people think that the Steelers got a bias. They need to embrace technology. We live in a world where they can put censors on the ball and the endzone so there is no question what so ever that the ball crossed the endzone. As a football fan I feel robbed of a fair game. I almost feel dirty that I watched that piece of crap. At least I got to see someone get hit in the head with a cell phone. Aww commercials.

Random Thought of the Day
Sleeping 14 hours and then working 12 hours and then watching scrubs and then typing about a girl's death and finally typing my blog really makes the butt hurt.